Phone addiction - A behavioural pattern on loop
Once again, I took that app off my phone, put my phone in grey-scale mode to make it less attractive to me, and created a new set of (not so new) rules around my phone usage and screen time.
I have been through this process again (and again) and I berate myself about it regularly. I harshly tell myself that 'If I am supporting clients with making sustainable changes in their lives then why do i find it so difficult to sustain this change of reducing my screen time - time on various apps and watching Netflix'.
The need to accept that I am addicted to my phone - addicted to distraction
The truth is, this is a case of addiction (or compulsion). The time I spent on my phone has been creeping up from very high to ridiculously high, and has truthfully been an issue for me for many years.
I can not live my best life whilst I spend the biggest part of my awake hours on my phone. I also know that I can not be at my best health wise, whilst my attention is so scattered. My relationships have suffered over the years whilst I have been victim to the pull of my phone.
I don't think that I'm alone with this problem
The oddest thing is that this isn't just some tragic rare confessional story of a personal trainer in London. This is actually a story that has also been shared with me countless of times by people who have crossed my path in all areas of my life, especially members of the LGBT+ community.
I tend to have the conversation about screen time with many people, including my clients. I really enjoy it as I find it fascinating. It's almost as common as the question 'what do you do?' or 'how's your day going?' instead I ask 'how's your screen time this week?
The response is usually either 'Wow, I spend so much time on my phone that i'd rather not check' or 'I had no idea I spend so much time on my phone'. A mixture of denial or shock is usually the initial reaction.
Take a minute now and check your screen time now.
How many hours are you spending on your phone each week? Isn't it almost the same time you spend at your work? What apps were you using the most? Did these add any meaning or joy to your life?
The LGBT+ community are more at risk
More worryingly and concerning for me is the research that finds that LGBT+ people are much more likely to spend more time online, especially on social media.
I believe there is a direct effect on mental health and studies do support this. Studies typically often look at children and adolescents but not many studies focus on adults. Nonetheless it is clear that we are mostly all phone zombies and our well-being is paying a big price for this.
Opportunities lost
What if we could transfer just a fraction of the time we spend on our screens to focusing on other areas; maybe our relationships instead, spending more time with our partners or going on a fun date, or cooking a healthy meal or exercising and stretching our bodies or learning a new skill or spending time with our hobbies. We would be able to transform the quality of our lives.
Instead, we are using our phones to seek out connection, which simply is very rarely to be found online, there is only the illusion that we are making connections online - spending so much time on our devices and in fact is making us feel less connected than ever before.
Rates of depressions for LGBT+ people are 2x higher than those who identify as straight.
There are opportunities for social media to help people to genuinely connect but I believe most people do not use social media in this way and most of us, especially LGBT+ put our mental well-being at risk with our level of social media use.
There are big questions to ask as to why it is that the LGBT population are more vulnerable to phone use addiction. I have some answers in mind, but it feels so flippant to throw into the conversation here but I will say that many people in the gay community including myself do feel more disconnected from society.
Take what's good about the online world and drop the rest
The challenge of our time is to use our time on our phone more effectively and making sure that we are actually building real connections and shifting the wasted and negative time we use online towards our real 3D lives.
Then we can spend this reclaimed time to nourish our selves physically and mentally and create connections, whether that be to ourselves through re-connecting with our value systems and ensuring we are taking actions to align with these values, or whether than be to spending more time with friends, family and nature or our personal self-development projects.
For me, personally, screen time has been the biggest block to me living the life that I want to lead. I can't be sure, or speak for you, but I think that changing your relationship with your phone and such technologies could have a huge impact in the quality of your own experience, too.
As I mentioned before, our screen time is usually due to a phone / screen time addiction. I call this an addiction because it meets the definition of an addiction, even though many professionals will not use this term in regards to technology use, they may use 'compulsive behaviour' instead which is more or less the same thing.
First we have to recognise that our screen time is a problem
My point is that its not a case of simply saying that you'll use your phone less. Trust me, this doesn't work. First of all you'll need to want to change your behaviours. You'll need to accept that your screen time use is problematic. Then you can start working towards its remedy.
I am not here to suggest to you that I know the best path forward when it comes to changing your time use patterns, simply because I am still figuring this out myself, but I do have a few ideas that have helped me. I mainly hope that this writing may bring some awareness to your daily habits and may plant a seed as to how we can live a happier, more fulfilling and more connected life.
What I discovered to help me to reduce my screen time
I think that my screen time addiction has a number of roots. These are namely boredom and loneliness and the need from distraction from these feelings. The more screen time the more we make these feelings of boredom and loneliness stronger as we disconnect ourselves from the people and world around us.
I am not a scientist but I do understand that there are a number of chemical reactions in our brains taking place which change how our brain works (and also changes our brain). The more ingrained our addiction, the more of a challenge it will be to unhook ourselves, but we need to do so. The alternative option of continuing as we are is not a realistic solution and will simply make us duller, lonelier and sadder.
Some things have helped me to reduce my screen time but I've had to work pretty hard to achieve this
Today, my screen time is still more than I would like it to be. Including my laptop and my phone, I am using my phone for approximately 3-4 hours per day, whereas my previous normal was 6-8 hours per day.
I did some quite drastic attempts to unhook from my phone. One of them was visiting a Vipassana meditation retreat. In fact I did this twice. They are retreats for 10 days with no talking, no making gestures (or looking at people), no technology at all - of course including phones. My phone was stored away in a locker room for the whole 10 days. There's also nothing else to distract you, so reading or writing, no exercise (apart from walking around the a small forest loop etc.
This was quite successful in the sense that I knew I could go 10 days without my phone and other distractions. I could survive without my drug and it that environment it wasn't that difficult. This gave me a lot of motivation.
But.. when i returned my screen time slowly increased again.
All was not lost. I realised I could do it and I simply needed to go through a little discomfort.
A little discomfort is required as we withdraw from our addiction
I am realising that tricks and tips don't really work in the long term, when it comes to reducing phone addiction. What is required is the acknowledgement and awareness that we have a problem and that it doesn't make us feel great and then separating yourself from these devices as often as you can and remember to, by doing something else.
You need to replace the time you spend with your addiction with something else
The replacements I found best were activities such as going out to walk whilst leaving my phone at home or meeting a friend for coffee or a meal and switching off the phone.
The biggest challenge is understanding that there's not a magic tip that will wondrously solve this problem. You will need to separate yourself from your device and you will need to do something else to get your mind off it. You will probably go back onto your device soon enough again but then you'll need to do the above steps again, and again.
It's a bit of a dirty work these days but it does take discipline. It does mean feeling a little uncomfortable.
After all it's the same as withdrawal, that's what we're going through.
I cheat a little as I listen to a podcast which doesn't get included on my screen time numbers. I usually listen to a podcast to support me with Spanish or a Buddhism themed podcast. Straight away these are big wins as i'm benefitting from my move away from screen time.
I also practice a little yoga at home. I often like to be led in my yoga practice but in order to reduce my screen time total racking up, I give the youtube yoga video a miss and practice by myself. Great! That's another 40 mins that I was not on my phone.
Another screen time replacement is spending more time cooking. I chop the veg mindfully, sometimes whilst listening to music and I expand the time that I would spend preparing a meal.
There we have it, I'm not in a position to say the phone doesn't pull me, I still use my phone more than I'd like but I'm working on it and my approach is leading to solid results.
I hope this has helped you and you'll also be on your way to separate yourself from your phone and do to something else.
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