Phone Addiction - Why And How I'm Working On it.

Phone addiction - A destructive behavioural pattern on loop, sabotaging your health and wellbeing

Once again, I took that app off my phone, put my phone in grey-scale mode to make it less attractive to me, and created a new set of (not so new) rules around my phone usage and screen time.

I have been through this process again (and again) and I berate myself about it regularly.

I harshly tell myself that 'If I am supporting my personal training clients with making sustainable changes in their lives then why do i find it so difficult to sustain this much needed change - this goal of mine of reducing my screen time - the time I spend on various apps and watching the news doom-scrolling, Youtube and Netflix'.

The need to accept that I am addicted to my phone - addicted to distraction

The truth is, this is a case of addiction (or compulsion). The time I spent on my phone has been creeping up from very high to ridiculously high, and has admittedly been an issue for me for many years.

I can not live my best, healthiest and most fulfilling life whilst I spend the biggest part of my awake hours on my phone. I know that I can not be at my best health wise - physically and mentally, whilst my attention is so scattered and diluted.

My relationships have suffered over the years whilst I have been victim to the pull of my phone and distraction. They have suffered in such subtle ways that I can easily deceive myself that it's not the case.

I don't think that I'm alone with this problem

The oddest thing is that this isn't just some tragic rare confessional story of some personal trainer's screen time addict in London. This is actually a story that has also been shared with me countless of times by people who have crossed my path in all areas of my life, especially members of the LGBT+ community.

I tend to have the conversation about screen time with many people, including my personal training clients. I really enjoy this conversation as I find it fascinating. It's almost as common as the question for me as 'what do you do?' or 'how's your day going?' Instead I ask 'how's your screen time this week?

The response is usually either 'Wow, I spend so much time on my phone that I'd rather not check' or 'I had no idea I spend so much time on my phone!'. A mixture of denial or shock is usually the initial reaction.

Take a minute now and check your screen time now in your phone settings.

How many hours are you spending on your phone each week?

Isn't it almost the same time you spend at your work?

What apps were you using the most? Did these add any meaning or joy to your life?

Don't just check the screen time on your phone. Consider the screen-time on your laptop or on your work computer. Add it all together. The math may tell you that you're putting a of time into digital distraction but you're not getting very much from it.

The LGBT+ community are more at risk

More worryingly and concerning for me is the research that finds that LGBT+ people are much more likely to spend more time online, especially on social media.

I believe there is a direct effect on mental health and studies do support this. Studies typically often look at children and adolescents but not many studies focus on adults. Nonetheless it is clear that we are mostly all phone zombies and our health well-being is paying a big price for this.

Opportunities lost

What if we could transfer just a fraction of the time we spend on our screens to focusing on other areas; maybe our relationships instead, spending more time with our partners or going on a fun date, being more present with friends and family, or cooking a healthy meal or exercising and stretching our bodies, joining in with our church community or learning a new skill or spending time with our hobbies. We would be able to transform the quality of our lives.

It's not only about taking time away from our screens but its also about how we then use that time instead.

I'm a personal trainer so yes, it's my job, maybe my responsibility - I'm going to say it!..

what if we spent instead, a tiny fraction of that time down at the gym, or going for a walk or a jog or.. booking in a personal training session. How about we spend some extra time planning a meal and then preparing - chopping vegetables for a healthy fresh and wholesome meal.

What a transformative impact this could have on our physical and mental health!

We need to urgently consider what we are seeking from using the phone so much and then if we are getting from it what we are seeking.

Are we using our phones to seek out connection? I believe this is unlikely to be found online, in a real nourishing sense, that off-screen pursuits can offer us, much more effectively.

I believe that there is only the illusion that we are making connections online - spending so much time on our devices seeking connection but this is in fact is making us feel much less connected, more isolated than ever before.

As mentioned above, LGBT people spend more time online and rates of depressions for LGBT+ people are 2x higher than those who don't identify as LGBT+

I believe the link is obvious.

Yes, of course, there are opportunities for social media to help people to genuinely connect. It can be a worthy tool when used right, but I believe most people do not use social media in this way and most of us, especially LGBT+ put our mental well-being at risk with our level of social media use.

There are big questions to ask as to why it is that the LGBT population are more vulnerable to phone use addiction. I have some answers in mind, but it feels so flippant to throw into the conversation here but I will say that many people in the LGBT+ community, very much including myself, do often feel more disconnected from society. I imagine this is the case and studies seem to back this up. I know that my addictive screen time usage has definitely not made me feel less lonely and more connected. I also know that in those rare intervals where I have reduced and managed my screen time, i have felt more peaceful, free and happy.

Take what's good about the online world and drop the rest

The challenge of our time is to use our time on our phone and other screens more effectively, as a tool, and making sure that we are actually building real connections. We need to shift away from the wasted, non-nourishing and often negative time we use online towards - our real life, our non-digital and present life.

Then we can spend this reclaimed time to nourish ourselves physically and mentally. When in this state, as our brains neural patterns recalibrate, we will naturally seek to connect - whether that be to ourselves through re-connecting with our value systems and ensuring we are taking actions to align with these values, or whether than be to spending more time with friends, family and nature or our personal self-development projects.

For me, personally, screen time has been the biggest block to me living the life that I want to lead. I can't be sure, or speak for you, but I think that changing your relationship with your phone and such technologies would have a huge impact in the quality of your own experience, too.

First we have to recognise that our screen time is a problem

My point is that it's not a case of simply saying that you'll use your phone less and to attempt to reply on willpower and discipline alone. Trust me, this doesn't work.

First of all you'll need to obviously realise that you are using your phone too much (check the statistics on your phone) and then you may intuitively be aware that this isn't right.

Ideally then, you're going to really want to change your behaviours. You'll find a new sense of motivation. Then you'll be genuinely ready to start working towards its remedy.

I am not here to suggest to you that I know the best path forward when it comes to changing your time use patterns, simply because I am still figuring this out myself, but I do have a few ideas that have helped me.

I mainly hope that this writing may bring some awareness to your daily habits and may plant a seed as to how we can live a happier, healthier and more fulfilling and more connected life.

What I discovered to help me to reduce my screen time

I think that my screen time addiction has a number of roots.

These are namely, (in my case at least) a desire for connection, often boredom and loneliness and the need from distraction from these feelings. The more screen time, the more we make these feelings of disconnection, boredom and loneliness even stronger as we disconnect ourselves from the people and world around us and numb ourselves to emotions.

I am not a neuro scientist but I do understand that there are a number of chemical reactions in our brains taking place which change how our brain works (and also changes our physical brain - something about changes in grey matter).

The more ingrained our addiction, the more of a challenge it will be to unhook ourselves, but we can and need to do so. The alternative option of continuing as we are is defeatist, sad and a non-solution which will simply make us duller, less-connected, lonelier, more numb, unhealthier in body and mind and sadder.

Some things have helped me to reduce my screen time - but not quick fixes

Today, my screen time is still much more than I would like it to be. Including my laptop and my phone, I am using my phone for approximately 3-4 hours per day, whereas my previous normal was 6-8 hours per day!

I did some quite drastic attempts to unhook from my phone.

One of them was visiting a Vipassana meditation retreat. In fact I did this twice. They are retreats for 10 days with no talking, no making gestures (or looking at people), no technology at all - of course including phones. My phone was stored away in a locker room for the whole 10 days. There's also nothing else to distract you, so reading or writing, no exercise (apart from walking around the a small forest loop etc.

This was quite successful in the sense that I knew I could go 10 days without my phone and other distractions. I could survive without my drug and it that environment it wasn't that difficult. This gave me a lot of motivation.

But.. when i returned my screen time slowly increased again.

Of course all was not lost. I realised I could do it and I simply needed to go through a little discomfort. The brain will adapt and the addiction slowly releases its claws.

Therefore consciously removing yourself from your phone is necessary.

A little discomfort is required as we withdraw from our addiction

I am realising that little tricks and tips don't really work in the long term, when it comes to reducing phone addiction.

What is required is the acknowledgement and awareness that we have a problem and that it doesn't make us feel great and then separating yourself from these digital devices as often as you can. Remember that taking something away (digital devices) you need to put something new in its place - do something else.

You must replace the time you spend with your addiction by doing something else!

The replacements I use are activities such as; going out to walk, whilst leaving my phone at home or meeting a friend for coffee or a meal and keeping the phone in my pocket with the notifications off. I would also spend more time reading a physical book or focusing on faith - reading the bible, with the phone out of easy reach, maybe in another room altogether.

The biggest challenge is understanding that there's not a magic trick or tip that will wondrously solve this problem. You will literally need to separate yourself from your device and you will need to do something else with that time instead.

You will probably go back onto your device soon enough again but then you'll need to do the above steps again, and again. You'll need to remember your goal and then re-dedicate yourself to separating yourself from the devices.

It's a bit of a dirty word these days but it does take discipline. It does mean feeling a little uncomfortable.

After all, where there is addiction there will be some withdrawal symptoms, that's what we're going to have to go through. We will probably fail countless times and end up mindlessly scrolling but we will simply have to put our mind to it again.

To make this disciplined separation from your phone even easier, you should properly delete apps and accounts which are your biggest time drains.

Delete Instagram. Delete X /Twitter. Delete Facebook. You absolutely don't need these, don't kid yourself. These apps do nothing good for you. Truthfully, no-one will even notice you go (or maybe they just didn't notice me go).

Make sure you delete your account fully. Taking it off your phone will simply keep you off.. until you re-install it again and then you're back to square one.

There we have it, I'm not in a position to say the phone doesn't pull me, I still use my phone more than I'd like but I'm working on it and my methods are leading to solid results. 1) create distance from the device 2) actively find non-digital replacements for your time.

You're brain will rewire itself and the power of habit will diminish.

I hope this has helped you, maybe motivated you and that it has given you a starting point to get you on your way to less digital distraction, and maybe even on the way to the gym!